Small intro blurb of types of songs, years, styles, etc etc. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Phasellus finibus, tortor vel pretium blandit, diam elit accumsan est, eu venenatis nunc turpis et magna. Proin et tortor magna. Maecenas luctus, lorem a bibendum pharetra, urna risus auctor lacus, vel dictum arcu eros eu sem. Sed in volutpat sem, non congue magna. Phasellus nisl est, pretium et efficitur eget, varius vel felis.
- What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
- After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
- I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
- My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”
- What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Flop.
- Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
- I don’t get why Marvel doesn’t use the Hulk to advertise more. He’s basically one big Banner.
- What brand of underwear do scientists wear? Kelvin Klein.
- Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
- I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!
- Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
- My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, “I always have a few Twix up my sleeve.”
- How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.
- What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
- Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.
- Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
- In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble.
- What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
- In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.
- Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes.
- My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
- What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
- If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
- Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
- This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
- It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.
- I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
- How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
- The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this
- I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
- I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
- I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
- I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
- If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.